1) Bird Jokes
Q: What do you give a sick bird?
Q: What is black and white and black and white and black and white and…?
A: A penguin falling down the stairs!
Q: When does a teacher carry birdseed?
A: When there is a parrot-teacher conference!
Q: What is a polygon?
A: A dead parrot!
Q: What kind of bird works at a construction site?
A: The crane!
Q: Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
A: Because if it lifted both legs it would fall over!
Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A: Because it’s too far to walk!
Q: What did the sick chicken say?
A: Oh no! I have the people-pox!
Q: What do you call a funny chicken?
A: A comedi-hen
Q: Why do scientists think humming birds hum?
A: Because they can’t remember the words!
Q: What bird is always depressed?
A: The blue jay
Q: Why do seagulls like to live by the sea?
A: Because if they lived by the bay they would be bagels!
Q: What is a cat’s favorite color?
Q: What kind of kitten works for the Red Cross?
A: A first-aid Kit.
Q: What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
A: Hailing’ taxi cabs!
Q: Why are cats good at video games?
A: Because they have nine lives!
Q: Why can’t a leopard hide?
A: Because he’s always spotted!
Q: What song does a cat like best?
A: Three Blind Mice.
Q: What game did the cat like to play with the mouse?
Q: Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
A: To the mewseum
Q: Why did the cat go to medical school?
A: To become a first aid kit
Q: Who was the first cat to fly in an airplane?
Q: Have you ever seen a catfish?
A: No. How did he hold the rod and reel?
Q: What state has a lot of cats and dogs?
Q: What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Q: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A: A dino-snore!
Q: How do you know if there is a dinosaur in your refrigerator?
A: The door won’t shut!
Q: What dinosaur would Harry Potter be?
A: The Dinosorcerer
Q: How can you best raise a baby dinosaur?
A: With a crane!
Q: What did the dinosaur put on her steak?
Q: Why was the Stegosaurus such a good volleyball player?
A: Because he could really spike the ball!
Q: What came after the dinosaur?
A: Its tail!
Q: What does a triceratops sit on?
A: Its tricera-bottom.
Q: What do dinosaurs use on the floors of their kitchens?
Q: What is the best thing to do if you see a Tyrannosaurus Rex?
A: Pray that it doesn’t see you.
Q: What’s the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex?
Q: What game does the brontosaurus like to play with humans?
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: To eat the chickens on the other side.
Q: What do you call a paleontologist who sleeps all the time?
A: Lazy bones
Q: What do you get when a dinosaur scores a touchdown?
A: A dino-score
Q: What did the dinosaur use to build his house?
A: A dino-saw
Q: Why don’t blind people like to sky dive?
A: Because it scares the dog!
Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
A: He was trying to make both ends meet!
Q: What dog keeps the best time?
A: A watch dog!
Q: Why don’t dogs make good dancers?
A: Because they have two left feet!
Q: What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
A: You can step in a poodle!
Q: Why are dogs like phones?
A: Because they have collar IDs.
Q: What dog loves to take bubble baths?
A: A shampoodle!
Q: What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
Q: What do you call a dog that is left handed?
A: A south paw!
Q: What did one flea say to the other?
A: Should we walk or take a dog?
Q: What type of markets do dogs avoid?
A: Flea markets!
Q: What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
A: Well, doggone!
Q: What time does a duck wake up?
A: At the quack of dawn!
Q: What do ducks get after they eat?
A: A bill!
Q: What do you call a crate full of ducks?
A: A box of quackers!
Q: Who stole the soap?
A: The robber ducky!
Q: What do you get if you cross fireworks with a duck?
A: A firequacker!
Q: What has fangs and webbed feet?
A: Count Duckula
Q: What was the goal of the detective duck?
A: To quack the case
Q: Why was the duck put into the basketball game?
A: To make a fowl shot!
Q: What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
A: He quacked up!
Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?
A: Time to fix the fence!
Q: Why did the elephant sit on the marshmallow?
A: So he wouldn’t fall into the hot chocolate.
Q: What would you do if an elephant sat in front of you at a movie?
A: Miss most of the film.
Q: Why are elephants so wrinkled?
A: Did you ever try to iron one?
Q: What do you do when you see an elephant with a basketball?
A: Get out of its way!
Q: What is gray and blue and very big?
A: An elephant holding it’s breath!
Q: What time is it when ten elephants are chasing you?
A: Ten after one!
Q: What wears glass slippers and weighs over 4,000 pounds?
Q: What was the elephant’s favorite sport?
Q: How do you keep an elephant from charging?
A: You take away its credit cards!
Q: What’s the best thing to do if an elephant sneezes?
A: Get out of its way!
Q: What do you do with a blue elephant?
A: You try and cheer her up
Q: A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible?
A: The horse’s name was Friday.
Q: Why did the pony have to gargle?
A: Because it was a little horse!
Q: What did the horse say when it fell?
A: I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
Q: What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class?
A: Why the long face?
Q: What do you call a horse that lives next door?
A: A neigh-bor!
Q: When does a horse talk?
A: Whinney wants to!
Q: What’s the best way to lead a horse to water?
A: With lots of apples and carrots!
Q: What disease was the horse scared of getting?
A: Hay fever!
Q: How long should a horse’s legs be?
A: Long enough to reach the ground
Q: Which side of the horse has the most hair?
A: The outside!
Q: Why did the man stand behind the horse?
A: He was hoping to get a kick out of it
Q: How do rabbits travel?
A: By hareplane.
Q: What is a bunny’s motto?
A: Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it.
Q: How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A: Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses!
Q: What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style?
Q: Where do rabbits go after their wedding?
A: On their bunnymoon!
Q: What do you get if you cross a rabbit with an insect?
A: Bugs bunny
Q: What do you call a group of rabbits hopping backwards?
A: A receding hare line
Q: What do you call a rabbit who is angry over gettting burnt?
A: A hot cross bunny
Q: How can you tell which rabbits are getting old?
A: Look for the grey hares
Q: Why are rabbits so lucky?
A: They have four rabbit’s feet?